Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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