I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
