All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
3 2 1 whiskey
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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