Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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