We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize