What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Randomize
