so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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