we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
