i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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