To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I just made out with a guy for $7.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
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