You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Randomize
