do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
