I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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