The maid of honor just puked.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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