Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
