People in love make me want to vomit
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
He better not be in your backpack
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
