I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
