I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
