she's into porn, im staying here tonight
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
