friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
