This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
