Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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