I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
you would pick up someone in the library
Sober January is a disaster.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
