I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
