I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
