How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
