I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Randomize
