He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
