you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
