his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
