This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
