I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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