My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
