In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
