Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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