party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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