is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
