Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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