So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
