Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
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