my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
