I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
