it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
