Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
My vagina is officially offended.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
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