Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
