My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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