Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Randomize
