she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
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