i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize