I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
