He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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