i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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