Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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