i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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