my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize