Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
me + whiskey = a bad person
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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