I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
