Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize