I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Randomize
