some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize