The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
