sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
