Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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