don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
