i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
