The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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