dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
