omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
