theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
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