Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
