he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
