I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
