he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Drake has all the answers
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
My bed smells like the plague
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
