my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
it hurts more in the daytime
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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