i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
