smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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