Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
