Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
