I'm gonna have a badass scar
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
