I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Randomize
