I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
