I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
