you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I have post one night stand depression
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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