hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize