I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
