he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
