Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
