I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
