woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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