My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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