She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
