I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Someone came in the potted fern
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
