With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
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