after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
