He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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