things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
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