Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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