I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
