I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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