Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
