My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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