Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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