My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
