I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
