Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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