I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
