My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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