i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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