I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize