pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
