Fine. I'll sleep in my office
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Randomize
