So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
