oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
